‘TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ (British-Version)
‘An AMICUS Production’
Starring; JOAN COLLINS & PETER CUSHING,
RALPH RICHARDSON as the Crypt-Keeper,,.etc.
1972
Streaming on 'TUBI-TV' and free on 'You-Tube'.
'Tales From The Crypt' on 'You-Tube' >
https://youtu.be/NwGOdiUBa3A?si=eAFjndurZXbflmWm
Season-Greetings my Little Holiday Spider-Bites!
Tis I , your Horror/Cult Mistress Of Terror, a s we carry on in December, DITA
DIRT NAP!
To continue the 'Holiday-Season, I bring you; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’ from 1972.
A British-version of our American TV-Series; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’, as well as
the Comic. DITA suggests looking at the Culty-holiday cool Trailer for the Film
by Clicking here, Dear>
https://youtu.be/_ol4MvRkWek?si=BmmNjZINQ511TeHe
DAME-JOAN COLLINS plays an evil Trophy-Wife who on Christmas-Eve decides to
do-away w/her Husband. First DITA must say, I hadn’t seen this
Cult-Horror-Holiday Gem for about 5 years until this week when my good friend,
who only lives a hop, skip and a jump away from dear old DITA here in West
Hollyweird, the ‘MAD DOCTOR D.’, had me over for a 'holiday-viewing
get-together' as we have done many times before but did it this year in 2025..
We watched this flick w/anticipation and popcorn as well as ‘sweet-tea’
w/vulture-juice, and the faint-smell of our forever-friend; Mary-Jane in the
air. Lol.
Back to the Film, first Joan/Trophy-Wife bashes poor unsuspecting Hubby over the
head with a fire-place poker, all while her radio spews out Christmas Music, and
her small daughter upstairs, tucked in bed while visions of Sugar-Plumbs danced
in her head. (Keep that little fact in mind, Kids, as it is a clue near the
end.) In fact this part was recently recreated once on the TV show Joan
was on called; AMERICAN HORROR STORY; APOCALYPSE, and re-titled in that show; 'A
CHRISTMAS TO DISMEMBER', with Joan being chased once again by a Psycho-Santa but
with a chainsaw this time.
In that TV show the Santa starts having a cough-attack while trying to dismember
Joan. She then calls out; 'C-U-T! Then states; 'Can someone get Santa a
cough-drop! LOL!
DITA wants back up a little bit as I forgot to mention that this story is just
one of four stories that are told in various ‘vin-yettes’ in this culty-classic
flick. In fact, the film opens w/Joan and other people taking what looks like a
tour of ancient Catacombs with a Hooded Tour-Guide, that begins to detour them
while on this alleged tour.
He starts w/DIVA Joan’s story first, then slowly thru-out the course of the
film, tells each guests story of ill-gotten gain/behavior before coming of this
faux-tour, my little ‘red & green’, blood-bags! That being said/explained, we
now pick up where DITA left off w/Joan then hearing an important radio-bulletin
announcing that a insane-asylum resident has recently escaped in her area and is
disguised in a stolen Santa-Suit and is considered armed and dangerous.
The Radio also instructs nearby residents to lock their doors and windows . As
Joan is starting to start 'clean-up' on dead-hubby lying lifeless on their
living-room shag-carpet and totally 70’s décor home, she hears a loud knock at
her door and then someone harshly shaking her door-knob and locks. She looks
outside her window and sees the afore-mentioned ‘sigh-koe’ Santa peering in her
window as well as lunging at her w/his hands coming thru her open windows.
YIKES! DITA screams; ‘Call the 'Po-po', Joan!’
Oh right, she can’t as she still has her dead-hubby’s body lying lifeless on her
floor right out in the open. She quickly locks all the doors and windows and
shutters. She then proceeds to clean up her murder-mess, including washing blood
off the fire place poker as well as her hands. She then drags her dead-hubby’s
body to the basement stairs and pushes it down the stairs where it falls in a
heap , face-down on the basement floor.
Then the little 'devil-within-minks' goes back upstairs where she killed him,
scoops up some of his blood in a champagne glass, brings it back downstairs and
pours it next to his head-wound to make it look like a accident of him falling
down the stairs and dying that way. As she finishes this her daughter who is now
awake , comes excitedly out of their foyer w/jingle-bells ringing in her wee
hands and announces that SANTA is …………..??? That Santa is now…….???
As you all know by now, DITA never likes to tell the whole story but to find out
where & what ‘SIGH-KOE'—Santa did, you can simply stream it on 'TUBI-TV' or
perhaps Free on 'You-Tube' of; ’TALES FROM THE CRYPT’.
Now my little ‘misfit-toys,' that was only one of the 5 tales included in this
horror-tale. That one starring; JOAN was called ;’AND ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT’.
The next one is called; ’REFLECTION OF DEATH’ and stars; IAN HENDRY. After
Joan’s Tale the Crypt-Kreeper played by; RALPH RICHARDSON turns to Ian’s
character on the supposed Catacomb-Tour and recites his tale of Ian having been
involved in a horrible Car-Crash w/his wife, where she is blinded in the
accident and he goes around scaring the ‘bah-jesus’ outta everyone as he finally
figures out, that he is horribly disfigured from the accident and possibly one
of the un-dead left to roam the earth. Hmmm?
To make a long story shorter, DITA will now speed-up the pace of the remaining
tales, dear.
The next Crypt-Keeper tale is called; ’POETIC-JUSTICE’ and stars the
iconic-horror star; ’PETER CUSHING!’ Peter plays a wonderfully kind old
man who is living out his senior years as a widower who only wants to live out
his golden years in the quaint little house and property he lived in w/his dear
departed wife. He now only has his dogs to keep him company as well as
refurbishing old toys to give the neighbor-children as well as spending his time
w/them making them happy. Long story short, one of his evil mean-spirited
neighbors has it in for him and sets out to make quickly lose everything he has
that’s left in his life that’s near and ear starting w/his precious dogs. Damn,
that man says DITA! Not man’s best-friend. Wow, he really is a evil neighbor.
Before the other things can be set into motion, by the despicable neighbor, the
old-man/Peter Cushing has been keeping in touch w/his wife on the ‘other-side’
via ‘wee-gee'- board’. She warns him by spelling out; ’d-a-n-g-e-r’. after she
spells out the warning to her husband, the negativity-factor is amped way-up by
the evil no-soul neighbor towards the kindly old man. Next he makes the
poor old guy lose his job. The only bright point is that at least one of his
dogs escapes and finds his way back home to the man.
Then comes the worst on VALENTINES-DAY, the evil neighbor has towns-people and
himself send the poor old man some very hateful negative valentines to him that
sadly force the guy to put his own nail in his coffin by bringing about his own
death as he figured he had nothing left. Then one year later exactly on
Valentines-Day, the old-man/Peter Cushing rises slowly and literally from the
grave and pulls himself up and out of his grave and 'walking-dead's' it back to
the neighbor's home next his old house where he once lived and comes upon him at
his desk and kills him.
His friend comes in the next morning and finds the man dead and covered in blood
, head-down on his desk with only a bloody valentine note with a
gothically-penned poem that ends w/something to the affect of 'ripping your
heart out', complete with the man's 'heart' lying at the end of the poem, as the
undead old man had poetically ripped it out. End-scene.
The next tale was called; 'WISH YOU WERE HERE' and stars; RICHARD GREENE. Now
DITA will tell you this story is based on the infamous; 'Monkey's-Paw' story
about a couple getting 3-Wishes after they suddenly finding out they are in
financial helter-skelter and have just had to sell all their art-work they have
collected from all-around the world which of course includes a statuette the is
inscribed, basically saying they get 3-Wishes. Hmmmm.... Also let my stop here a
sec to let you know that DITA has loved every 'AMICUS'-Film she has ever viewed
as they always have great fascinating horror stories, great casting, great
lighting and sets as well as usually start out w/the camera panning across some
great gothic-grave yard, complete w/no skimping on garishness and gloom!
DITA just loves that. BTW, this film does also start out panning across a cool
gothic graveyard, heavy on the garish but great decor final resting-place.
That being said this film has garnered a huge cult-following over the years.
DITA will take uncensored-gore over censored-gore any day, Hon!!!
Any-who, back to the Crypt-Keeper's story of our next tour-guests of the alleged catacombs again called ;'WISH YOU WERE HERE'. This tale as DITA mentioned before involved a couple with a statuette that grants them 3-Wishes. The first wish is quickly made by the wife for them to have their finances back to normal or even more wealthy than before. No sooner than she makes the wish the phone rings from their banker and tells the husband that they have come back into money again and to quickly drive over and see him about it. He does and of course has an accident in the car not before suffering a heart attack and dies.
The wife finds out quickly about it from their banker and he comes over to try
and comfort her. Before he can offer comfort she makes the 2nd Wish without
thinking it through and horror ensues. Then comes the 3rd and finally wish that
DITA will just say involves, never being able to die and more
horrific-circumstances that are unimaginable by the common human mind.
End-scene.
Now for the final Crypt-Keepers re-telling of the last tour-guests of the
catacombs, if that's where they are, dear??? Hmmm?
Anyway, my little bloody Scrooges, this final tale is called; 'BLIND-ALLEYS' which stars; NIGEL PATRICK. This tale was the most horrific in DITA and 'MAD DOCTOR D.'s', humble opinion and we thought, very cringe-inducing as well as slowly but a great build-up to the fear-finale, kids. Nigel/New Home For The Blind-Boss, comes in to a men's home for the blind and immediately starts making cruel cuts in the budget for the place like cutting off the heat at night, serving slop for meals w/no meat even. Anyway, the residents lose it in the end when one of their fellow residents gets sick in the middle of the night and the cruel new boss of their home-for-the-blind refuses to get a doctor for him (especially a shame since he could of at least called my good friend 'MAD DOCTOR D.' to the rescue as he would have made an exception and made a late-nite 'house-call, babe. I mean, really?).
After the poor-guy dies the residents take over the home/now asylum and apprehend the new evil scrooge-like boss and his faithful protective ,somewhat scary German Shepard. First they place food for the dog along the wall outside his evil-masters office and the lead the vicious dog away into a locked room and start to starve the 'kay-nine'. Meanwhile they lock the evil new boss in another room, for days while the blind residents build a trap-corridor from the Evil Bosses locked-room all the way to his......??? W-ha-t?
You know DITA as mentioned many times before never likes to tell the whole story
but I will tell you the evil boss-man has to now make his way thru the newly
built corridor the is narrow and lined with sharp razor-blades along the walls,
and that he makes it thru once, w/'cuts-o-plenty', but has to run for his life a
2nd time as he suddenly finds a slowly opening door with a very hungry _ _ _
fill-in-the-blank, Hon at the end of the new corridor! End-scene and
c-r-i-n-g-e,Hon, c-r-i-n-g-e! Yikes! To see the Comic Book of this
exact tales called; 'BLIND ALLEYS' from ;'Tales From The Crypt-1972,Click here>
https://youtu.be/4teTa-Xoo5c?si=_AVLYFeUCwwT1ato
Whew , yes, Kids it's finally over as the Crypt-keeper finally reveals why their
all on the supposed tour by opening a large wall with long drop into a burning
lake of_ _ _ _ ,(fill-in-the-blank), as they are not on a catacomb tour but
actually .....but are actually in ........?????? W-h-a-t? DITA wants
you to stream it on 'TUBI' or watch it on 'You-Tube' and find out the rest of
this gothically-great holiday horror tale that entertains thru-out and
considered by DITA some of Miss Collins best-work in a long list of horror, cult
and sci-fi films in her scary but overtly sexy cache of a filmography!
Click Here to See Joan Collins Work in American Horror Story as Witch Bubbles
MGee>
https://youtu.be/SZsilx8YeJM?si=ahnRuPKfwW7vJmQb&t=160
See Joan Collins tell about her real-life Haunting here >
https://youtu.be/Re2kMiuEekQ?si=4-EWSNscR-O1sJNS
See Joan in the Hammer Horror Flick; 'FEAR IN THE NIGHT'>
https://youtu.be/OyBTJDriHfs?si=2fb_r9laoIGYCpme
DITA loved this Cult-Horror Gem of a film and gives my perfect score of 3 Skulls
Out of 3 Skulls score! DITA CLAWZ just loves 'AMICUS FILMS' and will
review More in the future! L-o-v-e it! This Flick will help you get ready for
our Upcoming Black Christmas Holiday with a little help from JOAN COLLINS.
Until next week,
'CHAIN-SAW KISSES'
DITA ('D.J. PLAY A CHRISTMAS SONG'-Remix') DIRT NAP.
(To see the exact song from the Infamous CHER, Simply Click Here, Hon>
https://youtu.be/qhLai7tilcw?si=YmnoBOz64VvzcYVJ )
See LUCY from 'THE PEANUTS' freak out about what else at
Christmas-time......'Dog-Germs' here, my little stale xmas cookies>
https://youtu.be/IlIgIuPVgr4?si=Tp9AHOCe8Xr4xIoJ
As usual , here are some DITA-Suggested-sites as follows;
www.legendfilms.com
www.mymoviemonsters.com
("Scary Monsters Magazine!")
www.mymoviemonsters.com
www.fangoria.com
www.facebook.com/TheRealElvira
www.elvira.com (DITA Highly Suggests
Checking Out ELVIRA'S NEW XMAS MERCH!!!!')
Www.cher.com
Www.joancollins.net
www.blacklivesmatter.com The
official #BlackLivesMatter Global Network builds power to bring justice,
healing, and freedom to Black people across the globe.
www.lifetimechristmasmovies.com
www.radiohalloween.com
www.thenewbev.com (CHECK OUT THEIR
Holiday DECEMBER SCHEDULE, Hon!)
Www.jewishlivesmatter.com
www.radiohalloween.com Radio
Halloween plays best Halloween music and stories all day, all night, & all year!
Choose top Halloween songs, scary stories, or old time radio horror.
www.elvira.com
www.cinespia.org Cinespia’s Hollywood
Forever Cemetery outdoor movies have offered audiences one of the most magical
nightlife entertainment experiences in greater Los Angeles.
www.somethingweird.com (Great
Cult dvd's Selection says DITA!)
www.facebook.com/DameJoanCollins
www.christmasplanet.com
www.peanuts.com Official Website of
Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz. Choose from Characters, Comic Strips, Community,
Film and TV, Museum and Kids.
www.bettyboop.com Visit the official
online home of the Queen of Cartoons. Shop thousands of Betty Boop products,
read her blog, enter contests and so much more.
www.amicusfilms.com
www.joancollins.com The official
website of Dame Joan Collins. (See DITA's '60TH' Birthday Present from old
Friend; 'BILLY-RAY' of my Reviews Star; 'DAME JOAN COLLINS which as u can see is
Autographed from 1983 I believe. It was a great 80's Magazine from the Late ANDY
WARHOL, Hon! 'SCARY XMAS 'Yall!)
Creature Feature © D. Dyszel 2025
and by
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor