'ELVIRA; MISTRESS OF THE DARK'
Directed by; James Signorelli
Produced by; Roger Corman
Starring; Cassandra Peterson as; ELVIRA, Edie McClurg as Chastity Pariah, Jeff
Conway, etc.
From; 'NEW WORLD PICTURES'
1988-DVD & Now Free On YOU-TUBE, Hon!
To Watch this Halloween, simply Click here to see it in 'H.D.' even>
https://youtu.be/LhvqfzzsZko?si=8sf3Jf0wuqnmi4mU
Yes, its me the Horror/Cult 'Bone-Bitch' Hostess with the Most-est in all the
right rotted places and 'Halloween-Fan', DITA DIRT NAP! For HALLOWEEN, I
bring you the 'Queen Of Halloween's' Movie-Debut from 1988;'ELVIRA;MISTRESS OF
THE DARK'. In fact 2025 will mark the 37th-Anniversary of this Sexy
Horror-Hostess's Film foray.
As of course Elvira used the moments from this little 'Cult Horror-Comedy' in
her Last Stage-Show for Halloween back in 2017 at California's Amusement Park;
'KNOTTS SCARY Farm's itch DITA & Vamp-Hubby; B.J. as well our good fiend; Mad
Dr.-D. attended that year and have the T-Shirts still to prove it! GREAT SHOW,
GREAT TIME! It's still on 'you-tube' if ya wanna see it>
https://youtu.be/T9k3XbYZv58?si=i9jUB8SKf0J2wUHB
Well, let me just say that this fun little film is one of DITA's Favorites! It
show-cases Elvira's story well and continue-lly hits your funny-bone! As the
DVD-Tag-line reads; 'ELVIRA IS A SPECIAL EFFECT EVEN SPIELBERG CAN'T MATCH!
First
as DITA promised here is the Pic ELVIRA Herself Posted once on her
Instagram-Page from way back in 2001 of my Producer/Agent/Creator; Darell Erazo
who attended the premiere of her other Flick ;'ELVIRA'S HAUNTED HILLS.' ELVIRA
wrote underneath the Pic; 'ELVIRA FANS ARE THE BEST FANS!'
Now take a look at the Trailer by simply Clicking here, Dear>
https://youtu.be/DveDfCzqlxs?si=7SxV-0-A_ekMTMj2
This movie is a ton of fun and even starts out w/ELVIRA at her Horror-Hosting
job at a local Station hosting an old Beverly Garland Monster-Flick on her
infamous red-velvet couch! Well, as Elvira wraps up the film, she is
forced to meet a rich Texas Oil man who is one of the sponsors. Think Harvey
Weinstein-ish, Hon! Any-Boo, Oil-man sexually harasses Elvira by trying to
milk her.
Faster than you can say #MeTooMovement, she lets the creepy predator have it and
ends up knocking him into the freshly set-up NEWS-Show which is currently
on-air's news desk , complete w/news-man & news-woman and even manages to
knock-off the news-woman's wig. They then try to cut from live-TV as the
oil-guy tycoon shouts into the camera; 'But you said she was a Nympho.
Cut to Elvira 'high-fiving' a Camera-Woman's hand as the woman tells her; 'Get
it, Girlfriend!' DITA Like-y!!!
Well, as you might expect Elvira is fired and then is told by her sleazy Agent
that she must come up w/50 thousand dollars to put up for upcoming show in Las
Vegas. She starts to fret and then quickly receives a telegram stating that her
Great Aunt Morgana has died and has named her gothic-Niece in the will to be
read shortly in a small town that Elvira must go on a 'quick-ie' road-trip to in
her cool-ass 'MACABRE-MOBILE'.
You see Elvira thinks that if she goes to the reading of the will, she might
inherit enuff money to use to finance her dream-show in Las Vegas. As Elvira
heads out on her road-trip she only encounters a lazy, ass-scratching,
nose-picking, butt-picking, Gas Station Attendant, rubs her 'dirty-pillows' as
'CARRIE's Mom would call them on her car-window, gasses-up her car and pulls
away as the aford mentioned Attendant throws a match on the Gas, Elvira spilled
while there and blows the place up.
Well, next she rocks out in her macabre-mobile to a Song she used in her 2017
final stage show called; 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy', drops her hot-dog on her
breasts, uh, w/mustard and blows up her car-engine while arriving in her Great
Aunt Morgana's small town, where her car-hood pops off and she meets the
conservative towns-folk. Talk about; 'first-impressions'.
It's also there she meets her arch-enemy; Chastity Pariah, who sees her and
says; 'Well, I never! Elvira responds with; 'And you never will with them
soup-cans on your head, referring the Chastity's hair-curlers on her head.
Chastity's kind of the Head of the League of townsfolk who decide who is
morally-acceptable and who is not in this small close-minded town, you see.
Any-Boo, Elvira's Car is going to take a long time to fix, so she checks into
the town's Motel until then. She tries the Local Bowling-Alley to try, key
word being try to find some excitement. Long story-short she doesn't. Just
sexual-insults, from town goons, of which one is played by the Late; JEFF
CONWAY, of ; 'GREASE'-Movie Fame. She also meets the Bowling Alley's catty,
bitchy , jealous Female Owner, who in the end, has a not so big secret of her
own. She of course hates Elvira onsite and is jealous because Elvira also
meets her kind of boyfriend which DITA will refer to as; 'Hunky-Townie Guy'.
Elvira is smitten w/him instantly.
DITA sees why, kids! YOW-ZAH!
From
there Elvira attends the reading of the Will and also meets her Great Uncle, who
DITA will call; 'Evil-Unk'. She ends up getting her Great Aunt's old
house, her Dog; 'Gonk', and what is mistaken for a Recipe-Book, but end up being
her Aunt's very powerful Spell-casting Book. BTW, Kids you can get ELVIRA's NEW
for 2025 recipe book/Cook Book Now, Click here to see her hawk it, Hon>
https://fb.watch/CtIlluOQZJ/
Oh yeah, she finds out her Great Morgana was a powerful Witch who gave birth to
her Mother; Divanna, later in the film. Well, her 'Evil-Uncle' knows about
the Witchery-Book and first tries to buy it from her for 50 bucks. This almost
transaction takes place on the town's street, as he is in his Car bargaining
w/Elvira, his Great Niece. Elvira is leaning up against his car and just as her
nemesis; Chastity walks by, she hears Elvira shouting; 'Yeah, I'll do it for 50
dollars. Like a common Street-Walker.
W-H-A-T? DITA used to be about 'that-life' back in the day.
So then Chastity goes about town trying to black-list Elvira from getting a job
for fear of her maybe deciding to live there in her Great Aunt's house that she
inherited. She turns the small-town against her in short.
Well, then Elvira decides w/the Hunk-Townie to help him drum up more business
for his G-Movie theater by showing and Horror-Hosting her cheesy fright flicks
which are of course stored in the trunk of her being worked-on Car. Elvira then
secretly arranges for the townie-kids to sneak-out at Midnight and secretly
attend her Hosting-Gig, witch , btw Elvira is Hosting; 'ATTACK OF THE KILLER
TOMATOES', none other.
See Elvira Hosting it back in the 80's here>
https://youtu.be/7Sz-BjAP9DY?si=Wf3wE4rshCBRkKT5
After Elvira Hosts the film, she then performs a stage-show doing her own
version of 'MANIAC' from the old film 'FLASH-DANCE'>
https://youtu.be/i0zYaQzypAs?si=XTQwdiUfAvdXERXC&t=87 (which btw,
Kids, she did in her last stage show at Knotts Scary Farm.) which at the end ,
she had planned to sit back in the chair onstage and pull a rope that would
release gold-glitter all over her body, complete w/black leg-warmers. Instead
the jealous 'Bitch-Owner' of the Bowling-Alley interferes and replaces the
bucket of glitter w/black-tar and then hides in the rafters and pours down
feathers down on top of Elvira instead, humiliating her, which causes her to
have to go home and bathe in gasoline to clean the tar & feathers off.
While there Hunky-Bob Townie guy/Elvira Love-Interest tells her he's hungry and
she decides to make him something special out of her Great Aunts supposed
Cook-Book. Well, she follows the recipe like it says and even adds her own touch
of spray-can cheese wiz and even crushes up Potato-chips to place on top of her
creepy-casserole surprise. She brings it out to Town-Hunk; Bob in a covered pot
and takes the lid off telling him; 'soup's-on'. When she lifts the lid a weird ,
angry monster thing-y with a tail instead of legs comes out and tries to attack
them both, but not without ripping of Elvira's cooking-apron revealing her
big-cleavage, Hon!
They fight it off and kill it but dumping it in the garbage-disposal and
grinding it up but good down the sink! Whew!
Any-way this gives Elvira an evil-idea of how to get that town's judgmental
bitch; Chastity and the other townies back for black-listing her.
She after finding out that the book is really a powerful spell book from Gonk's
urging and that her life-long ring is really a protective force against her
evil-unk, she makes another witchy-casserole for the town-picnic but this time
substitutes 'hamburger-helper' for a Aunt-Morgana ingredient. ELVIRA and
Hunky-townie ;Bob hide in nearby bushes near the picnic and expect another
monster to pop out and terrorize the ignorant towns-folk, but instead it just
makes them all very horny for each other outdoors in public. Then hilarity
ensues, dear heart.
One scene even has Town-Bitch; Chastity stating that she's a horn-dog and
'moe-zees' over to a fellow male-townie laying on the picnic grounds and sits on
his face, all while asking; 'Is this seat taken? LOL! One the best scenes in the
movie, Babe! Love it! Flash-forward to a full-moon night w/Elvira's
'Evil-Uncle'-Talbot chasing after her after he steals the book from her Aunt's
now colorfully-painted house. In fact , when the kids were helping Elvira
spruce-up the house by painting it, she tells the young horny townie-boys to
just 'Grab a Hammer, and start banging, while she is bent-over in a tight outfit
that shows-off her butt, no less! Too funny!
Whoops, got side-tracked again by my 'A.D.D.' LOL, but true.
As I was saying before getting lost, her evil uncle is now chasing her thru town
in full Warlock-mode w/the book and later her protective magic-ring, after she
is rescued from almost being burned-alive at the stake like a real-witch in
Salem, after getting out of jail no less, for what else? Practicing
witch-craft on the towns-people, of course.
With her evil-Uncle chasing her even into a fog-covered grave-yard, her dressing
like Rambo and toting a big bazooka witch she fires at the Uncle, and it does
nothing. All because he is pulling power from the moon and the book as well as
her magic- Elvira even ends up cutting his hand off later that same-chase by her
Evil-Uncle. Before that Elvira grabs his dismembered hand, and fires the ring at
him as he tries to kill her , like he did her Great Aunt Morgana. So that's why
she died. Hmmmm....?
Cut to Elvira and hunky Townie-Bob sitting on the steps of her now half-burnt
house. Uh, DITA forgot to mention that during the fight/show-down w/her Great
Uncle-Evil that when she fired the magic-ring at him, it killed him and he went
up in flames witch started her Great Aunts inherited house on fire.
The towns-people come up to her and all apologize for judging her and all and
decide to help her re-build her house, even bitch/jealous Patty , who btw, her
secret was revealed by Elvira by accident when she ripped off her fake big-chest
in a fight. At that this moment on the steps , Elvira's lawyer shows up
and tells her the good-news about that since her great Uncle-Evil died, Elvira
would now inherit his money-filled estate and be able to finance her Dream-Show
in Vegas, after all! Cut to Las Vegas where ELVIRA makes her show-girl debut in
a sexy slinky, Vegas-gown alah Cher, proceeds to Rap w/hunky devil-back-up
Dancers, to see Elvira Rap her Song; 'HERE I AM', Simply Click here, dear>
https://youtu.be/VafmcpRsrUQ?si=1t_gdLzegRv-gC0R
As we watch ELVIRA take a Big Bow with a Bouquet of Flowers in her Arms, a
werewolf howls as she says her Signature Line from her TV Show; 'MOVIE MACABRE',
witch by the way, Hon is the Name of ELIVRA'S GREAT AUTOBIOGRAPHY; 'UNPLEASANT
DREAMS'; THE MEMOIRS OF THE MISTRESS OF THE DARK', witch DITA's Sweet
'VAMP-HUBBY; 'B.J.' ,just ordered off Amazon for me, his Dear, Deadly Wifey!
If
you Still want ur own Creepy Copy witch DITA HIGHLY Recommends, of her
Hexcellant Book; ELVIRA; 'YOURS CRUELLY' simply Click on the 'Book-Icon'.
So far DITA has torn thru this FANG-TASTIC Book and loves it and of course can't
recommend getting it enuff off Amazon like my 'Vamp-Hubby' did and HIGHLY Urges
you to do the same, Hon , by Simply Clicking on the 'BOOK-Icon' next to Dear Old
DITA's Review, Tonight> Yours Cruelly, Elvira: Memoirs of the Mistress of the
Dark
GET YOURS NOW, my little candy-corn spider-bites!
DITA wishes my Mentor COUNT GORE DE VOL a Very HAPPY HALLOWEEN as well as my
Fans who welcomed me back w/open wound arms a Special Happiest Halloween this
year! THANK YOU EVER SO! Hope no one gets a 'ROCK' in their Trick Or Treat Bag
this year, or is that 'ONLY' poor ole' Charlie Brown>
https://youtu.be/cCf2ZZLHy-k?si=oTgVNerIhjqZHC-P
So until Next Week
I Blow you
'CHAINSAW-HALLOWEEN KISSES',
DITA ('TRICK OR TREAT') DIRT NAP
(Too hear that Exact ELVIRA-Song; 'TRICK OR TREAT-'DR. DEMENTO CUT , Click here,
Dear>
https://youtu.be/_igmKLk8u-0?si=2R8mVmPHhJhNM43- )
Send Scare-Mail to; DDN1965@LIVE.COM
w/DITA written in the Subject Line or simply contact me on DITA's Face-Book Page
which you can get to by Clicking underneath where it says; 'DITA's-DEN' at the
tip top of my Review.
Click here to hear ELVIRA's; 'MONSTA RAP'>
https://youtu.be/SZZ1CyEkk_g?si=uarbqi87hPwHPB6i
Hear Elvira's;' TWO BIG PUMPKINS' Music Video>
https://youtu.be/vS7c41AbjQI?si=MXJZp6KDW5sA4PAG
Watch ELVIRA perform her Song; 'HAUNTED HOUSE' at Knotts Scary Farm on Stage>
https://youtu.be/0Q4xsjZnyLQ?si=jWoycLYbnfRuP1kE
Hear ELVIRA's Song; 'HERE COMES THE BRIDE'>
https://youtu.be/-aGBDiR3-GU?si=EwkLULWbcos-W7FB
Listen to ELVIRA's; 'FULL MOON'>
https://youtu.be/sK_TjVUkr8c?si=g4-8y-45SKsY_Bbw
As Usual here are some 'DITA-Suggested Sites to take a Gander at as Follows but
First here is ELVIRA'S 'QUEEN OF HALLOWEEN' where abouts ;
www.elvira.com (Check Out her NEW
Halloween Merch-2025 and More this Month!)
www.facebook.com/TheRealElvira
HERE is a NEW Piece of ELVIRA Halloween Merch-2025 available on her Website
www.legendfilms.com Founded in 2001,
Legend Films is the pioneer and recognized leader in the restoration and
colorization of classic black-and-white films.
www.shudder.com SHUDDER | Stream Horror,
Thrillers, and Suspense Ad-Free and Uncut “PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING A HORROR FAN
COULD WANT”
Www.lahauntedhayride.com Has
a Haunted Attraction called; 'ELVIRA'S TRICK OR TREAT MAYHEM' and 'ELVIRA'S
POP-UP SHOP' as well as a 'Merry Go Round Ride instead of horses it has her Dog
from; 'MISTRESS OF THE DARK'; GONK instead at LA'S HAUNTED HAYRIDE!' See ELVIRA
at LA HAUNTED HAYRIDE-2025>
https://youtube.com/shorts/XroHeo1HzuU?si=30nCcpmTGOffOWnv
www.MyMovieMonsters.com
Home of Scary Monsters Magazine
www.halloweenalliance.com
Halloween ideas so fun, they're scary! Since 199 we've brought you the best FREE
DIY ideas for costumes, makeup decor and recipe Plus get Halloween news and fun
facts that will chill you to the bone!
www.knotts.com/KnottsScaryFarm
www.sixflags.com/FrightFest
www.electricduskdrivein.com
(Showing Halloween-Season Flicks this entire Month of October, Hon! DITA
LIKE-Y!)
www.fangoria.com
www.spookyworld.com
Www.halloweenalliance.com
Www.lempmansion.com (A Real
Haunted House in DITA's 'Hometown' of St. Louis, Mo. Check it out!)
Www.cinespia.org (Showing 'SCREAM'
on the Mausoleum wall in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery on 10/31/25 w/Q. & A.
W/Actors from the film , A D.J., Food and More!)
www.blacklivesmatter.com The
official #BlackLivesMatter Global Network builds power to bring justice,
healing, and freedom to Black people across the globe.
www.stopasianhate.info This is a
work-in-progress space to centralize information and important links in support
of the #StopAsianHate movement. Learn. Share. Donate. Report. Volunteer. Get
Resources.
www.thenewbev.com ( Now screening
some great horror flicks for Halloween the entire month! DITA DIRT NAP Highly
urges you to Check out their OCTOBER SCHEDULE Online, Hon!!!)
www.lempmansion.com The Lemp Mansion
Restaurant and Inn, St. Louis, Missouri, featuring restaurant with lunch and
dinner, bar, inn, mystery dinner theater, gift shop, museum, banquet facilities,
Lemp Experience,
www.radiohalloween.com Radio
Halloween plays best Halloween music and stories all day, all night, & all year!
Choose top Halloween songs, scary stories, or old time radio horror.
www.universalstudios.com/HorrorNights
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves
(Check out DUG GRAVES RADIO-HORROR SHOW EVERY FRIDAY Night! DITA CAN'T WAIT For
His Halloween-Special for 2025!)
Creature Feature © D. Dyszel 2025
and by
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor