*********************************************
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get
the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man r eplied, 'A THOUGHT... It just pops into your head.. There's no warning.'
''That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?' he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see , a blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!', said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.'
He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found h is man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
Bubba is now the new greeter at WalMart and you can never again enter a WalMart store without being reminded of this.
Peg
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince gets pushed back until next summer, Lost stars negotiate for bigger bucks, director Zack Snyder releases four new Watchmen images, Christian Bale avoids assault charges, and more. http://www.scifi.com/sfw/news
 | Mark that night off on your calendar for the most amazing show you've never seen before by the Consortium of Genius, as C.O.G. celebrates its 100th LIVE LECTURE by rewriting musical history (and yes, we repaired the Time Door just for the occasion!!!) at One Eyed Jacks in the French Quarter! With very special guests: Clockwork Elvis and Spooky Lestrange and her Billion Dollar Baby Dolls Admission a paltry $8 Doors at 9pm - insanity starts at 10pm |
P.S.: It's Dr. Z's birthday today!!! Email Dr. Z (drzofcog@yahoo.com) and ask him how many centuries old he is, or better yet, friend him on MySpace!
Hello!
Just wanted to send a note as I just discovered your site tonight. I grew up watching Creature Feature in Virginia on Channel 20 back in the 1970s. I have many fond memories of enjoying you and your show on those late Saturday evenings. Weren't you also Captain 20 and the local Bozo for a time as well? I'm pretty sure about the Capt. 20 but not sure about the latter... Anyhow, as someone who also works in "the biz" (theatre), I just wanted to send my congrats that you're continuing to do what you love.
I'll share a small story with you… My best memory of Creature Feature is when you first showed "Night of the Living Dead". We had a large and dingy basement in our house and there was a large black & white television down there. Since the one in my room was most small, I usually snuck down to the basement to watch the show. That night of "Living Dead" was a particularly scary memory for me as I absolutely loved the movie and was scared out of my wits! I then had to walk up the dark stairs to an even darker house (my parents were long since asleep) and hope that no zombies got me on my way back to my room. I've been hooked on zombie movies ever since…
Another memory is when you first introduced your mustache. My memory was that "Six Million Dollar Man" was really big then, and you were promoting that you were going to get something "bionic". I think you had your head bandaged and at the end of that night's episode you took them off to reveal… the bionic mustache! I'm hoping my memory is correct about this….
Anyhow, congrats on your long run on Ch.20 and now your long online run. Keep on keepin' on!
Peace,
Michael Wehrli
Hey there again-Just came back from the Hollywood Forever Cemetery screening of PHANTASM and it was terrific. Nothing like seeing a film with a large crowd. They were still screaming and chuckling in all the right places. Something a dvd can NEVER duplicate. After 30 years it still wows them and shocks them to a hilt! Angus Scrimm, Reggie Bannister, The Lady in Lavender-Kathy Lester, and Don Coscarelli were in attendance. I worried about Angus because he looked frail but still had that twinkle in his eye as he was so happy to greet the mobs of fans and photographers. I was afraid they were going to steamroll over him. Luckily he was with Reggie so everything worked out.DaveCALL FOR HALLOWEEN PARADE VOLUNTEERS
Do you love a parade? Then the Vienna Halloween Parade Committee wants you! Join in planning for the 62nd annual parade, or help out on parade night, October 29.
The next parade committee meetings are scheduled for 9 a.m. July 10 and August 7 at the Vienna Community Center, 120 Cherry St., S.E. For more information, call parade chairman Rebecca Diamond at 703-463-4241 or e-mail rdiamond@tysonsdodgejeep.com.
The theme of this year’s parade is “It’s an Old-fashioned Halloween!” and the Grand Marshal will be Vienna’s favorite vampire, Count Gore De Vol, online host of "Creature Feature."
Greetings!
My new book, Mistress of the Vatican: Olimpia Maidalchini, The Secret Female Pope, will be on sale August 12, and the first major local event is Tuesday, August 26 at 6:30 p.m. at the National Press Club. I will be giving a half hour powerpoint talk, with paintings of the pope, his mistress, and all the other major characters in the book. The talk will be followed by a question & answer period, and a book signing. Books will be available for purchase. I would be so happy if you could come.I just got my first review in from Kirkus Reviews:
Herman (Sex with the Queen, 2006, etc.) does her royal best with the fantastic story of a tax collector’s daughter from Viterbo who finagled her way into a position of power at the Vatican.
Herman nimbly navigates centuries of foggy papal history, providing plenty of gossip and slander about flagrant nepotism and other pontifical sins. She casts Olimpia’s story appropriately enough in soap-opera terms, making her feisty protagonist resemble a 17th-century Scarlett O’Hara.
The incredible life of a formidable woman, fetchingly told.
Whew, that's a big relief. You spend three years on a book and never know what these people are going to say. The review could depend on what they ate that morning.
For more detailed info on Olimpia and the wild world of seventeenth-century Rome, check out my website, www.eleanorherman.com, and click on the Mistress of the Vatican cover.Reservations are already coming into the National Press Club, so if you think you can make it, please reserve early. The press club website is www.press.org. Click on Events, Book Events, and scroll down to August 26. You can email your reservations to opus@press.org. Their phone number is 202-662-7500. The club is located at 529 14th Street, NW, 13th floor. Hope to see you there!Regards,EleanorNOW ACCEPTING ALL SUBMISSIONS FOR 2008 TSM FILM FESTIVAL!
THE 2008 SPOOKY MOVIE FILM FESTIVAL (October 16-19, 2008) is as open
as open can be. We accept shorts to features - slasher, monster,
zombies, ghosts, ghouls, terror, chiller, suspense, comedy - music
videos, cartoons, documentaries, experimental, foreign language,
trailers - fat, skinny, tall or short - we want to present a festival
that is as diverse as Washington, D.C. itself.
"A SLASHING GOOD TIME!" - The Washington Post
We are a non-competetive festival. We celebrate all filmmakers. We
will work to get your short or feature seen by the public - even after
the October festival - and even if your film isn't in the October
festival.
Submission fees remain insanely low!
$20.00 - First Look (June 6)
$30.00 - Regular (July 3)
$35.00 - Late (August 1)
$45.00 - Extended (August 22)
Submissions made through Withoutabox.com, postmarked by the following
dates, can apply the following discounted entry fees:
$15.00 - First Look (June 6)
$20.00 - Regular (July 3)
$25.00 - Late (August 1)
$30.00 - Extended (August 22)
Submission forms and links to Withoutabox, plus lots more news and
info can be found at our official website - www.thespookymovie.com.
Please feel free to hit us up if you have any questions!
The 2008 Spooky Movie Film Festival
spookyfests@gmail.com
If you would like to send a note with hopes that it ends up here, just click on the image below.
Creature Feature © D. Dyszel 2008
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