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'DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS'
Directed By; Edmund Purdom
Produced By; Dick Randall & Steve Minasian
'Spectacular International Films'
From; Televista DVD's
Starring; Caroline Munro, Edmund Purdom,
Belinda Mayne, Gerry Sundquist, Mark Jones
Kevin Lloyd, Robin Parkinson.
Written By; Derek Ford
DVD Run Time; 86 Minutes 1984
Also Streaming on AMAZON Prime.
Holiday Greetings, my Little
Tis I, Your HOLIDAY-HORROR/CULT HOSTESS, with the most-est, in all the right rotted places, DITA DIRT NAP, but you can just call me, 'DITA-CLAWS' for rest of this festive month of December!!
As you all know, DITA usually doesn't have a 'white-Xmas' here in sunny L.A., 'hence-fourth', my cool, Italian sun-glasses in my Holiday-Pic' next to my Review, complete with 'DITA-CLAWS' Santa-Hat to Celebrate the 'Christmas-Season!!!
'Derek, 'The Vamperic-Announcer'
Interrupt's; Uh, DITA, umm, I mean, 'Mrs.-CLAWS', 'Is it December already?'
DITA, responds; 'Of course, my 'little-blood-bag'.
Derek, 'The Vamperic-Announcer' responds; Cool, now here's a hint to keep your focus, Uh...............'U.K.?'
DITA responds; 'Hmmmm??? Oh yes, my Review here tonight! 'The British are coming! The British are coming!!!
I, DITA DIRT NAP, proudly Present the 'BRITISH-Holiday Horror Film entitled, 'DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS'!!! DITA highly suggests checking out the clip of this film, Starring the lovely and vivacious 'British-Bombshell'; CAROLINE MUNRO, by Clicking hereto see the Trailer for 'DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS'> https://youtu.be/JCptc2p2BJM
Check out Caroline's her lovely 'body-of-work' in the 'horror & fantasy genre's on 'I.M.D.B.' or log onto www.carolinemunro.org She even worked with DITA 'Horror-Fave', Joan Collins in 'THE DEVIL WITHIN HER!'
So this culty, little odd holiday-horror gem, starts out with a woman's father playing Santa at a 'Disco-Tech'! Yes, I said 'Disco-Tech'! F.Y.I., this movie is very British & sometimes odd-ishly-erotic! Not a bad thing mind you, uh, in my 'Wild, Weird, World, hon!!! L-o-v-e it! Kind of like a horror-holiday version of 'THE BITCH' & 'THE STUD' with the afore mentioned Joan Collins!
Any-who, as Santa starts to give out gifts from List, he is suddenly speared thru the back of the head and out the mouth from a Spear-gun and ............... dies! No one catches the murderer, of course! Oooh,,, before I forget, this Film is from the makers 'FRIDAY THE 13TH', no less!!! With tag lines like 'T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring....................................................... they were all dead!'' No foolin'! Also this gem-of-a-Tag Line; 'DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS- the gift of terror that just won't wait!' Wow!!!
Next since the Killer was never found, Santa's all over England are being murdered in the most heinous ways possible. The movie leads you to believe that it's different people but in the end, and you know DITA CLAWS, never likes to tell the whole story, so I'll just say, there's a 'family-connection' and that the killer is who you think it would be!
Even so, DITA loved the 'quirky-ness' of
this film and the 'T.& A.' 'kinky-ness', exuded thru-out! So grab your
balls and let's go bowling, shall we, as this Cult-Horror British Export
Holiday/Fright Flick is 'right up-my-alley!!!' Sadly, there are minuscule
'Extras' included on this disc which are;
* Photo Gallery of 'frozen-stills' from the movie. ( Note-worthy Photos are of; Caroline Munro! Some would even make a nice Computer-Screen Saver.)
* Subtitles in English & French, etc.
(No trailer to Speak of, by the way, 'my Little December Snow-Flakes. DITA-Clawz says; 'Lump-of-coal', for his DVD Company, kids!)
Now to explain the fun, gore-y Santa Deaths in the film and more, here are my Infamous, 'DITA's Things-2-Look-4-List' which almost reads like a morbid '12 Days Of Xmas';
+ 2nd Santa Death Scene; Santa who sells roasted chestnuts dies by getting his face pushed into his hot grill, dies, then his body catches on fire and becomes a burnt-body marsh mellow.
+ Another Santa is strangled by wire.
+ Another Father Christmas is stabbed in the crotch by the killer's 'shoe-blade' and then has an eye gouged out. (DITA says; 'Pretty, Pretty!)
+While this horny Santa has 'Phone- Sex' with a 'sexy-slag' behind glass, he gets stabbed and bleeds all over her glass partition. (Martha Stewart, please pick up the 'blood-red' courtesy phone!!!)
+Next St. Nick gets his face slashed in half at an angle by a dagger.
+ And the goriest of all, a Santa Claus while using the urinal/loo gets his penis chopped off while in mid-stream. (I kid you not, folks! Ouch!!!)
+ And yet more Santa Killings, just watch them and dash-away, dash-away, dash-away all! Tee-hee!!!
+Attention Count Gore; Scene where 'Bondage-Pin-Up Model' is posing with bare breast bound up and a cape. (Wow-zah!)
+ Scene with same 'Bondage-Pin-Up Model' out in snow covered alley in Mrs. Sexy-Santa Cloak, Top-less, with only a red 'g-string' and heels being approached by the Santa Claus Killer with a switch-blade. (Hmmmm? Does she survive or just get fondled??? I'll n-e-v-e-r t-e-l-l!!! LOL!)
+ Scene where 'phone-sex'/glass booth girl/witness' is chased & later captured and held hostage, then later clobbers the Killer and gets chased up some stairs, hmmmm, that never happens in 'horror-movies' , does it? She then knocks him over the railing, then of course goes to check on him, and he.................fill in the blank, babe!
+ End scene where 'don't open till Xmas' Christmas is finally opened on 'Xmas Day' by..................... a relative and is just found to be a 'Christmas-music box' with rotating mini-Santa inside that plays Christmas Music and then it ....................???
To find out the 'surprise-ending' just click on this 'gore-y ,joyous, heart-ripping holiday tale 'DVD-Icon' of 'DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS', next to Dear old' DITA's Review and find out for your self, kids, or stream it on 'Amazon Prime'.
DITA-CLAWS' gives this cool, culty 'Xmas, Killing Santa's Fright Flick' 3 SKULLS Out Of 3 SKULLS, a perfect score, even though the pacing slightly 'Jingle-Bell Drag's a little. Not a problem for this Holiday-Bone-Bitch, Hon!!! DITA highly recommends for your holiday-horror viewing, curled up by your 'Xmas-Trimmed Hearth' while you burn your chess-nuts on an 'open-fire'!!!
Next week, tune in for more Xmas-Horror Fun here in 'DITA'S DEN' with 'TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT' about College Girls staying on Campus for Christmas that end up being murdered in various heinous ways much like the Xmas Slasher Flick ;'BLACK CHRISTMAS!!!'
Till next week, take a look at the Trailer
for next weeks Review of; 'TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT' in 'DITA's-DEN' on 12/25/21, by
Clicking here, Dear>
'Vaccinated With a Booster Shot Chainsaw Candy-Cane Kisses',
DITA ('CHRISTMAS WRAPPING') DIRT NAP
Xmas Scare-Cards & Scare-Mail to;
As always please check out these cool 'horror/cult' sites @
www.marthastewart.com (Her Cool 'Xmas Issue' on News-Stands now.)
www.somethingweird.com ( Best in usual Cult DVD's and More!!!)
www.radiohalloween.com Choose top Halloween songs, scary stories, or old time radio horror.
www.facebook.com/DJDugGrave s (Listen to Dug Graves Horror Radio Show every Friday night, Hon!
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT Part One
Directed By; Charles Seller, Jr.
Produced By; Ira Richard Barmak
Written By; Michael Hickey
Starring; Robert Brian Wilson As; Billy & Linnea Quigley,
Lilyan Chauvin, Gilmer Mccormick, Toni Nero.
Slayride, Inc. 1984 85 Min.
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT Part 2
Directed By; LEE HARRY
Produced By; Lawrence Applebaum
Screenplay Written By; LEE HARRY & Joseph H. Earle
Edited By; LEE HARRY
Starring; Eric Freeman As; Billy's Younger Brother, Ricky
& Elizabeth Cayton, James L. Newman, Jean Miller.
A Lawrence Applebaum Production
Silent Night Releasing Corp. 1987 88min.
Anchor Bay Entertainment (DVD's)
A DVD DOUBLE FEATURE
Both Flicks Now Streaming on 'AMAZON-PRIME.'
'IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN, CHARLIE BROWN!
As always, I'm DITA DIRT NAP, Your Horror/Cult Xmas HO, um, I mean Host, back this weekend with a 'DITA DIRT NAP; 'DOUBLE-D DOUBLE FEATURE' for you of my 2 Favorite Holiday
Horrors; 'SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 1 & 2!!!' A DVD Double Feature and NOW BOTH Films are Streaming on 'AMAZON-PRIME', my little rotten sugar-plum fairies!
Some of you may remember that Dear Old DITA got her start with COUNT GORE years
ago by Reviewing this first Film, 'S.N.,D.N.'-Part 1.
Then the following Christmas, DITA Reviewed the Sequel, 'Silent Night, Deadly
Night Part 2', Written & Directed By the Talented, LEE HARRY.
Well, Mr. Harry liked my Review and sent dear old DITA an e-mail, saying say.
DITA of course wrote him back, praising his work and ask for permission to air
the film on 'W.H.P.A.'-TV.
He said yes, and all was good.
That will certainly give new meaning to the classic Holiday-ditty, 'HERE COMES
SANTA CLAUS',uh, right down 'Santa Claus Lane'.............with an AXE!!! Yikes!!!
Note to self; Inquire about getting a 'Chimney-Alarm' installed, a.s.a.p.!!!
'Derek-The Vamperic-Announcer' interrupts; 'What do YOU want for Christmas, little-girl?'
DITA responds with; 'A new Drag-Mobile' as ours konked out for good back in October, Babe!
Derek says; 'Oh my!!!'
DITA responds; 'Thanks 'Vampire Santa-Baby!'
Derek; Yikes, uh, back to your Review, 'Buzz-Bomb!'
DITA SAYS; 'Oh, right, almost forgot, thanks, Hon!'
Since, DITA Reviewed both these Films before, uh, on, VHS, DITA will only be giving a short synopsis on each and instead focusing on the ultra-cool 'EXTRAS' included on this cool 'Double-Feature'-DVD, DITA thinks is a 'MUST-HAVE' for Collector's & FANS of these Films such as myself!!! The first flick which was recently shown again this year at the infamous 'NEW BEVERLY CINEMA' along w/'Black Christmas' is about the character of BILLY. Billy and his family, which 'importantly' includes his baby brother Ricky, his mom & dad on a car ride home are waved down by a Santa with Car Trouble, so it seems?
The tag line reads; 'SANTA'S HERE" & 'YOU'VE SURVIVED HALLOWEEN, NOW TRY AND SURVIVE CHRISTMAS!' Yeah, he's here alright, and he ends up traumatizing little Billy by the ensuing Christmas-Eve Rape and murder of his Parents, by the 'sicko-santa'. If that wasn't enough then he is brutalized by sadistic nuns at the orphanage. I personally love 'those' kinds of Nuns, when placed in a horror film! WHAT? I'm just sayin'. Then when a grown up BILLY is forced to dress up at his jobs Christmas Party as Santa, he of course ends up going on a Holiday murdering Rampage to as he puts it 'to punish the naughty'...............with what else??? An axe, of course, silly!!!
One quick DITA's;'Things-To-Look-For' Item, that I mentioned in my first Review
was and still is;
* Dita-Fave; LINNEA QUIGLEY's, Sexy Scene of; DEATH BY ANTLERS, done by SANTA! (This scene and the Trailer for Part One of 'S.N.,D.N.' are both available for viewing by Clicking here, kids>(Trailer) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNBJfv5pIdY And here for Miss Quigley's Sexy/Bloody Death by Antlers> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3ZXWna9mWc DITA highly recommends it!!! Also this Film still has such a 'cult-following' that keeps growing and growing every year!
Now for the Ultra-cool 'EXTRAS' included for S.N.,D.N. Part One, which are as follows;
+Widescreen Presentation for 16 x 9 TV's.
+ Audio Interview with Director; Charles E. Sellier, Jr.
+ Poster & Still Gallery (Excellent Stuff in here. Makes cool Screen-Savers!!!)
+ 'Santa's Stocking Of Outrage'- A must see montage about the controversy over this film, quotes, included!!! 'PLEASE take a gander, says DITA!!!)
A couple last
side notes about this Film and it's Director Charles Sellier Jr.. Mr. Sellier was
the Author of 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF GRIZZLY ADAMS!'
Which was of course turned into the 1975 Film and TV Series, for NBC. His film 'S.N,D.N.'
ADAPTED from a Novel called, 'SLAYRIDE'!!!
Look it up here on www.amazon.com 'B.J.',that's another item to add to my 'Xmas-List',p-l-e-a-s-e!!!
Now 'Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2', picks up years later with Billy's little Brother, RICKY all grown up and 'hunky' as he want to be! No foolin! In my Review of this Film last time, I mentioned his hunky-ness through-out, as he too was one of DITA's Crushes, uh, still is!!! If I could Only snag this 'holiday-horror-hunk' played to culty-perfection by Actor ERIC FREEMAN, I, DITA DIRT NAP, would have all the 'presents' I need...........and uh, WANT!!! HERE'S MY E-MAIL Address ERIC, Uh, just in case you want to get in touch for uh, Interview, uh, yeah, for my 'Online-Interviews', get a pen Eric, I'll wait..............................................it's email@example.com
A couple of 'side-notes' on this Sequel; are that DIRECTOR; LEE HARRY Only had a
'LOW-BUDGET of $250,000 and a daunting 10 Day Shooting Schedule. The film Played
here in Hollywood at the Famous, 'HOLLYWOOD EGYPTIAN THEATER', a favorite of Dear
Uh, where was I kids, oh yes, Billy's Brother, RICKY, he follows in his older
Brother's Foot steps of Creating Christmas Carnage, cuz with him, 'Sicko-Santa'
is back for more nudity, uh, y-e-a-h,
and holiday violence, leaning on the grisly side, and DITA not referring to
those 'oh-so-cute' 'Coca-Cola' Xmas Bears, folks!!!
To see the Culty-Trailer for Silent Night, Deadly Night 2' > http://youtu.be/xS4G67yiwY0
Another quick 'DITA's Things-To-Look-For' Scene in this 'Merry, Scary-Fright-Flick' Sequel is as follows;
* Scene where RICKY AS 'SICKO-SANTA' kills a 'smart-ass' by Stabbing him with a sharp umbrella all the way through and out the back of his body. Kind of like a marsh-mellow roasting stick/kah-bob to roast over your 'open-fire', uh, 'NOT' by NAT KING COLE or JOHNNY MATHIS, even!!! ( A quick side NOTE on DITA's favorite 'Christmas-Crooners', COLE & MATHIS!) Also my Fantasy Crush; JOHNNY MATHIS, who DITA saw more than once in my Neighborhood of West Hollywood , a thrill 4 this 'Ghoul-Gal!'
Now, for the cool 'EXTRAS' included on this Disc for 'S.N.,D.N.2', which are as follows;
+ Widescreen Presentation-Enhanced for 16 x 9 TV's.
+ Audio Commentary with Writer/Director LEE HARRY, Writer Joseph H. Earle & Actor James Newman. (DITA Highly Recommends listening to the entire Commentary for stories on the filming behind the scenes tales!!!)
+ Theatrical Trailer (Always nice, considered as you know, 'mandatory', by Mizz DIRT NAP!!!)
+Poster and Still Gallery (Excellent, please browse this feature, and maybe choose
a Poster from the this film as a Screen-Saver like I did! Love it!!!)
+ DVD-Rom of the Original Screen Play by my favorite; LEE HARRY!
These Films are excellent and continuing gathering a 'cult-following' to this very day and spawned 3 more Films in the Series which are; 'S.N.,D.N.3';You Better Watch Out!', 'S.N.D.N.4; INITIATION' and 'S.N.,D.N.5; THE TOY MAKER' Starring; Mickey Rooney, who incidentally complained about the first Film, NO FOOLIN! See Mr. Rooney's Quote in the 'extra' feature on Part 1 called, 'SANTA'S STOCKING OF OUTRAGE', for Proof!!! Love ya anyway, Mr. Rooney, especially in the cult Film with Mamie Van Doren you did entitled, 'THE PRIVATE LIVES OF ADAM AND EVE' (Too see Clip from that Film ,Click here> http://youtu.be/PcIKP3Ei2kE )
DITA loved this DVD DOUBLE FEATURE disc of 'SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART ONE & PART 2' and give it my highest score of 3 SKULLS Out Of 3 SKULLS!!!
So click on the 'DVD-Icon' next to my Review and get your copy to watch on a cold, snowy, December Night while you have that afore mentioned 'Chimney-Alarm' installed, who needs a fire, when you can just turn up the heat........uh, with your significant other and 'LINUS'S BLANKET!' \
Or simply Stream both films on 'AMAZON-PRIME!'
'Vaccinated w/the latest moderna booster 'Chainsaw-Kisses' & Mistle-toe,
DITA ('CHRISTMAS-WRAPPING'-REMIXED) DIRT NAP
(Too hear DITA's Favorite 80's Xmas-Song by; 'THE WAITRESSES' just Click here, Dear> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7ntcjtwMcw )
Scary-Xmas Cards & Scare-mail to;
P.S. Next week DITA Brings you a Culty Classic NEW YEAR'S HORROR Flick!
As always please web-surf at the following;
www.mymoviemonsters.com ("Scary Monsters Magazine'.)
www.elvira.com (Last Chance to get ur hands on ELVIRA's uh, uh her Xmas-Merch for 2023,Hon! LOL!)
www.shoutfactory.com (Great DVD Selection says DITA!)
www.somethingweird.com (Excellant CULT-DVD Selection! DITA Lilke-y!)
www.thenewbev.com (Hollyweirds Cinema of Retro-Horror & Cult Films! DITA & RENFIELD Like-y!!!)
www.nkla.org (DITA says; 'Help make all Animal-Shelters in L.A.,CA. ,'NO-KILL' Shelters, Please!!! DITA & B.J.'s Shelter Rescue Pup; 'CHILLING-CHINA'', Thanks you ever so!)
www.electricduskdrivein.com (Holiday Flicks Showing N-O-W! DITA LIKE-Y!)
www.radiohalloween.com (Year round Halloween Music!)
www.facebook.com/DJDugGraves (Tune into DUG's RADIO-HORROR SHOW Every Friday Night and his Xmas Special! DITA will post it after it airs on my 'DITA Face Book Page!')
THIS REVIEW ALSO DEAD-ICATED TO; MR. LEE HARRY at this 'MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR' & DITA WISHES HIM A VERY MERRY-SCARY CHRISTMAS IN 2023 as well as all who visit me here year-round in 'DITA';s-DEN!'
Also look up Director; LEE HARRY! @ www.imdb.com
Special Holiday Hello's To; Deb Honaker & my Friends , 'The Dildoe-Lady' & Cindy & Shirley Pimple, 'Mad DR.-D','MAIZE-JONES','DEREK; The Vamperic-Announcer', my Loving 'VAMP-Hubby ;'B.J., Our couldn't do without Doggie; 'CHILLING-CHINA' & my old Friend, 'Billy-Ray and his Daughter; 'D.J. Culty-Kyra!!!'
Last but never least 'SCARY XMAS & HAPPY HAUNTED NEW YEAR to my Biggest
'DITA-Fan'; TATZEL WORM!!!!!!!!'
'Scary-Xmas' 2 u all my little 'red & green spider-bites!'
© D. Dyszel 2023
Dick Dyszel - Voice Actor